Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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