Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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