please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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