You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
