i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
3pm strippers are depressing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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