i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
