I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Someone came in the potted fern
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
