i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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