the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
