I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
