He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
