Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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