ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
