the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
