i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
