i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
