My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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