Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
