I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
