my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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