Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everyone says I win the strip club
Holy sore nipples Batman
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
