I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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