I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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