what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
