Got a toothbrush?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
