who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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