i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
