when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
