Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
