12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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