he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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