Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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