I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
