if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
