She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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