I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
