at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
