I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
