Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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