I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
