Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
