his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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