I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
