just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
