whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
