do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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