it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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