the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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