woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
