Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
