The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
